Pallium Fatum
by Ryoko Porter
Summary: a story about the love, and how life can manipulate it into something painful. Merle must learn how to live without Van. Van must regain his freedom. and Hitomi, realize what the true power of the Rose Jewel is. rewrite of Forgotten by Destiny NO FLAMES!
1. Stringo Prosapia

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Note: MUST READ! This is the rewrite of my "Forgotten by Destiny" fic. I've written it due to my own displeasure at the old version. This story will be more comprehensive to the feelings of every character, and have much more detail. The other one was written with more "shock value" in mind. I would like that readers read each story, and tell me what they like or dislike about each version compared to the other. So let me start with our tragic tale.

Pallium Fatum

By Ryoko Porter

Chapter One Stringo Prosapia

_'Fate does not jest and events are not a matter of chance – there is no existence out of nothing.' _

_Gamal Abdel Nasser_

In the cool shade of the forest, there stood a beautiful creature of heaven. A woman with wind dancing shiny black hair, and deep blue eyes. She breathed in the wonderful scent of life, the smell of wood and moss. And she watched the two happy children in her care.

Varie had taken her son and his little playmate to the forest to escape the burning heat of the city. The two children were inseparable, ever since that day two years before when Balgus had brought the little kitten to the palace. At first with the beast-girl being so young, her son often stayed in one room with her. But soon the young prince had become quite adventurous, and the girl followed faithfully. So now there was rarely a time when Merle wasn't by Van's side. Today they played a game inspired by her older son's up coming adventure, "slay the dragon". And Varie couldn't help but smile as poor Merle was slain very dramatically.

When the little girl was done dying, she popped up and ran over to the queen. After a small curtsy, she spoke in her cute voice. 'You're so pretty; I wish I was pretty like you.'

'But little one, you are pretty,' Varie assured. Merle only looked down at her bare feet. 'Why do you want to be pretty Merle?' the gentle woman asked.

'Because Lord Van likes the pretty ladies that visit Lord Folkin,' the girl's innocent voice replied with a hint of jealousy. 'Plus I don't wanna be the dragon no more!' she growled with annoyance.

Varie smiled. The little girl tried so hard to gain the attentions of her son. Of course Van did see her as they played together all of the time, she was his best friend. But even at such a young age, Merle wanted him to see her as a lady.

The queen was about to assure the girl once more, when Van interrupted. Her son had picked a single violet flower, and ran over to them. Then reaching up, he offered it to his mother adorably. 'Thank you Van, but why don't you give one to Merle?' Vari suggested as she saw the slight disappointment in Merle's eyes.

'Because she isn't pretty,' Van answered very simply. He did not see his friend's ears droop or tail twitch with sadness.

'Told you I'm not pretty,' Merle mumbled.

'But I think that Merle is very pretty,' Varie said hoping that her young son might take the hint. He stopped and looked at his friend, as Merle tried to look as nice as she could.

'She's not pretty,' Van reiterated as Merle's ears dropped once more. 'But she is cute.' Merle's ears perked up again.

'You think I'm cute?' Merle asked hopefully.

'Of course you are, everybody knows that!' Van stated honestly.

Varie couldn't hold back the chuckle in her throat as her son was suddenly smothered in Merle's embrace and affectionate licks. The two children had fallen to the ground at the force of the girl's happiness, and Varie could see the embarrassment on Van's face. He looked as though he couldn't decide if he liked the attention or not, but still let the girl lavish him with her love.

♦♦♦♦♦

It was another beautiful day in Fanalia, with the cool autumn sun over the city. But even with the fresh rejuvenation of the air, the city's people were tense with worry. Prince Folkin would be leaving for his trial today, off to slay a dragon. The late season would weaken the dragons enough for the young man to kill; an impossible task if the animal was at it's best. And it was expected that Folkin would only be gone for a few weeks. Never the less, the people of the country worried for the future.

The palace was full of rush as the servants prepared for the Prince's departure. Woman stored the dried foods they had made for him, as the men readied his weapons. He would leave with two horses, one to ride, and the other to carry supplies. Tools for every imaginable problem were packed, even herbs for healing.

The children of the palace were largely ignored as the people hastily worked. Merle was able to steal some dried meat for the two to taste, though neither liked the salty taste very much. Then they went to the stables where they knew that Folkin would be "hiding" in.

Folkin was admittedly nervous about going to kill a dragon. He knew that his father had done it, and his father before, but that did not settle his nerves. It was such a cruel act to both he and the unfortunate creature that he would slay. He worried about his own abilities both physically and mentally. Would he when it came down to it, be able to kill the innocent creature? Honestly, Folkin had his doubts about his readiness to murder anything, even a dragon for his sacred duty to his country.

Being interrupted from his morbid thoughts, Folkin smiled as the two children came over to him. He would dearly miss the two while he was gone, with the constant joy that they brought him. His little brother was so much like his father, while he'd taken more after mother. And the little kitten that was so precious in her unending loyalty.

'Do you really have to eat this stuff while you're gone?' Van asked as he chewed a bit of the dried meat they'd stolen. It was hard and tasted mostly of salt, a flavor that was indeed unpleasant.

'Well you usually put it in soup first,' Folkin laughed. 'But I agree, it isn't too good.' Then he gave a few carrots to the little girl and instructed her to feed the horses, giving him some private time with his brother. 'Van, I want you to promise me something while I'm gone,' he paused for a response, but only got a curious look. 'I want you to look out for mom for me, can you do that?'

'I guess,' Van said hesitantly. Folkin knew that Van loved their mother very much, but didn't understand her enough to really do what he was asking.

'And take care of Merle also,' Folkin smiled, knowing this would put his brother into the right "can do" spirit. The two were really perfect for each other, bringing out the best of both their personalities. Though it did sometimes worry Folkin that they had no other contact with others of their age, which might make them a bit drawn from others in the future.

'Can I be her knight, like you are for the country?' Van asked excitedly. He so wanted to be like his brother and be a hero, even if it was only for Merle.

'I think that she would like that,' Folkin smiled again.

Then as if being announced, Merle returned from feeding the horses. And with her was Vari, who told the children to wait outside. The queen wanted to say goodbye to her son in private.

♦♦♦♦♦

The disappearance of Folkin had left the entire country of Fanalia shaken. People were uncertain of what the future would bring, and how the royal family would react. They were worried about the new apparent king, who wasn't even a decade old. There was also worry about the queen, and her reaction to this new tragic loss. But that was only among the commoners, for within the castle there was a great more anxiety.

The war generals were nearly in a riot over what should be done. Some wanted to go and search for the prince, others thought that they should take over throne. But all agreed that they should step up the security, ready if any neighboring countries try to take advantage of their weakness.

What was left of the royal family wasn't at all taking the disappearance well. Van was barely eating and sleeping away most of the days. At eight, he was old enough to understand that his brother wasn't coming back. This confused and frightened him, making him withdrawn from everyone but Merle. The queen was in a state of shock, and entered a state of morning. Without her family, Varie had nothing in this world. She was only queen by marriage, giving her little political power. And her youngest son seemed to be afraid of being close to her.

It was almost two months after Folkin had not returned when things seemed to take a drastic decline for the family. One of the lords of the land had threatened to take the thrown, and throw out the 'troublesome Draconians'. The overwhelming opposition only saved them from other lords and ladies. And at that time, Varie had enough authoritative support to take the lord's title and lands.

But later that night, the queen was not so strong. She couldn't accept that her oldest son was gone, though none of the search parties had brought anything more than his supplies back. Something from within told her that he was alive somewhere, lost in mind and body. So she readied to leave, packing some dried food and other essentials.

It was far past one in the morning, meaning the castle would be asleep, including her youngest son. Making her way to Van's room, she intended to say 'goodbye' without him knowing. However when she finally entered the room, she found that while he was at rest, his companion was not. Merle usually did not share a room with him, but with the current events, she'd been allowed to stay with him whenever he wanted. Varie observed the gentle scene of the little girl sitting in Van's bed, with his head cradled in her lap. It was so peaceful and loving that Varie felt humbled. She could see that the two were as destined to be together as she and his father had been.

Quietly Varie came close to the two children, the girl bowing as much as she could without disturbing her charge. She could see apprehension in little Merle's eyes, and wondered if the kitten had any idea of what she was going to do. She kneeled next to the bed, lightly placing her hand on Van's shoulder. She didn't want to wake him.

'Merle, will you take care of Van for me?' she whispered to the girl, still looking at her son. 'Will you love him for me?'

'I already do,' Merle whispered back. Varie then looked at her, and saw that she did.

'I know, and he will need you. I want you to promise me that you'll always be his,' Varie wasn't entirely sure why she asked, but she felt it was right.

'I promise I'll always be his, forever and ever.'

'I thank you little one, and I wish you both happiness,' Varie smiled. The two females looked at each other for another moment, a bond of understanding being created. Then Varie kissed her son's head softly, telling him of her love.

Leaving, Varie never looked back, she didn't think that she could. Going to the roof, she looked at her home for the last time. Then with little ceremony, she released her wings and left. Never again to be seen.

'Goodbye lady,' Merle whispered as she saw an angel fly away from the window.

To Be Continued.

The title means "Stolen Fate" and the chapter title, "Diminishing Family".


	2. Una Unus

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Pallium Fatum

By Ryoko Porter

Chapter Two Una Unus

'_What love does is to arm. It arms the worth of life in spite of life…'_

_Ibid_

Varie was gone; her disappearance was sudden, but not unexpected. In only just over a year the queen had lost both her husband and eldest son, and obviously it had been too much for her heart to take. But in leaving she'd abandoned her country and more importantly, the new future king.

Being only a small boy, no one expected the young prince to be ready for kingship. Besides Van had been left behind by all of his family, making him certainly due a long mourning period. A time that would be spent with his ever loving companion Merle.

For a year Van was in official mourning, doing little of anything but spend long quiet days with his kitten friend. With his family gone, Merle was the closest thing he had to having a family anymore. Not that he was bitter at having her, quite the opposite in fact. Emotionally if not physically, he'd become clutching and possessive of her. She was all that he had, and he would never let her go. And she in turn returned his fervent obsession.

Generally because of protection that the adults bestowed on their "last hope" they became isolated to others, keeping the two dependent on the one another. They became each other's entire world, their reason for living. And when it was finally time for Van to start his learning, Merle would be there too.

♦♦♦♦♦

It was a cold and rainy day, one that kept most of the citizens of Fanalia inside. But from within the castle walls, there were sounds of a busy pair or warriors. Swords clanged together, the sound of a practiced routine to train strength. Despite Van's lack of size compared to his warrior teacher, he did appear to be keeping his own. Fighting the weight of his mentor with all of his twelve-year-old strength.

Balgus watched his charge's moves with his trained eye, keeping in mind the kitten that lingered not far away. He didn't normally allow Merle to be so near when they trained, but with the rain, he was lenient. In her ten-year-old arms were two towels for them to dry themselves with, to keep away the sickness. The poor beast-girl looked so worried. She knew that he would not hurt her princely charge, but she still worried over his safety with the blades that they practiced with.

Over the years, Balgus recognized that Lord Van had mostly abandoned his childhood in favor of being what others needed him to be. Yet his playmate had kept her childish nature, if only to remind Van that he was still indeed a child himself. It was admirable, what they both did. Their behavior showed that both were strong, though in completely different ways. Both committing their lives to others, just as a good royal family would. The old warrior had to admit that part of him wanted to see them grew-up to be with one another. They were so perfect for each other and the country. Van would make a fine king. And Merle would be a strong and supportive queen.

The two children did have their faults though, as anyone was liable to have. While Van had lost most of his possessive nature over Merle that he'd had when his mother had first left four years before, he was still violently protective of her. Balgus had even witnessed the young prince threaten a visiting knight with his own sword, after the man had called the little girl "garbage". But in return, the small girl had adopted a possessive nature over him, which only seemed to get worse as potential female suitors were starting to be brought for Van to consider. But Balgus wisely understood that it stemmed from both her instincts, and their consequently close relationship.

Being so lost in his thoughts of the two children he'd helped to rear, Balgus was caught unaware by his pupil. At some point in the course of training, the boy had cornered him, and had a sword pointed at his throat. A bit perturbed by his own mistake, Balgus couldn't help but admit his pride for his student. The boy had done what he'd taught him to do, and well. Van had taken advantage of his rival's weakness.

'Well done Van!' Balgus praised as the prince lowered his weapon. From under the palace awning, the two warriors could hear Merle cheer for Van's achievement. She looked anxious to run out to them, but was holding herself back for respectful reasons, not to mention the rain. Van also seemed to be restless to go over to Merle, though he hid it much better than she. It was only when Balgus consented, that he began to understand why the boy was reacting so.

Balgus watched as the almost teen abandoned his sword into the mud and ran over so that he could embrace the girl. He'd expected that it would be Merle to initiate the hold, but this time it had been Van. The man watched as the young warrior spun the girl around in his arms, an act so purely passionate that Balgus could see that his prince was feeling the affects of battle. So Van was coming into his own strengths, was he? Would he be starting his change into a man so soon? Just watching him holding the girl now, Balgus could easily imagine that more than likely, some part of Van wanted to would claim Merle for his own at this highly emotional moment. But the both were still young, so none of that would be happening while the old warrior had any say, or at least while he was present.

'So are you going to actually give me that towel you've been holding for an hour now, or not?' Balgus intruded harshly to draw their attention away from each other for the moment.

'Um…' Merle hesitated, looking down from Van's arms at the towels she'd dropped on the wet ground in the thrilling hug.

'Go and get some clean ones!' Balgus barked demandingly. He didn't actually have much need for a towel, but it was a good ploy to force them apart so that Van could calm down.

'Yes sir!' the poor little kitten hastily muttered as she pulled herself out of Van's embrace. Then taking the two soiled towels, she scurried inside to get fresh ones.

Balgus nearly laughed when he observed Van's displeasure at the girl's disappearance. There was a low kind of growl sound emanating from his throat, as his piercing eyes glared at the man, who'd chased her away.

'Don't worry Van, you'll get your time with her,' Balgus reminded his passion-hazed mind. 'But you need to cool off before you do. Remember that Merle isn't a doll,' he instructed as Van's high started to wear off. 'You are growing up Van, which means that you're starting to react different to things. It's all right though, perfectly normal for a boy your age. Just remember to take it easy.'

♦♦♦♦♦

'May I introduce Princess Paris, of the Western Kingdom,' a flamboyant man announced. The girl was the fifth to be introduced to Van in the last year, and was from a country that Van had only read about. It was supposed to be a relatively inadequate country, and Van was surprised when her caravan had arrived.

Paris herself was a very pretty girl, and seemed to be of pleasant nature when she curtsied to him in respect. She had her brown locks piled atop her head in a very womanly fashion. And her cloths were quite rich looking, despite rumor that her country was about to go bankrupt due to the poor management by her father.

Van was dressed in his best, a simple show of respect to her position. He wasn't all that interested in the situation, but begrudgingly went along with the act. He was the last of his family; people wanted an heir as soon as possible. And he imagined that with this girl at least, she was meant to save her country from the debt they were in. It was a poor situation for both of them.

But as Van looked at the poor girl, he gratefully remember his dear Merle. She was part of the reason why he was permitted to turn down everyone of these girls. Merle was a comforting last resource. Van had no doubt that the powers that be would force them to marry if there was a sudden need for an heir. But of anyone he could be made to marry in such a way, he was happy that it was Merle. Of course though, people preferred that he would better the country with his marriage. So they tried to set him up with girls that were from counties that made good political matches. And though it would make a strong show of power for them to show that they had an "alternative", Merle's age made it a bit laughable, so she was only once invited to the meetings. Not to mention the reason of her jealousy over the other girls.

When the formalities were over, the adults sent the two children to get to know one another as they discussed the situation. Van formally offered the girl his arm so that he could lead her to the gardens, which she kindly accepted. However his plan turned out to be a bit of a disaster, when they found that Merle was playing there.

'Lord Van!' Merle called, not yet seeing the other girl. She had probably been stalking a bird, as Van noticed that she was coming from where the cook fed crumbs to them. But he was pleased with her when she showed her respect to the princess, despite her feelings.

'Hello Princess,' Merle greeted as she curtsied.

'Hello my dear,' the thirteen-year-old Paris returned.

'This is my life-long friend Merle,' Van introduced. 'Merle, this is Paris of the Western Lands.'

'So you're a playmate?' Paris observed rudely.

'I am Lord Van's girlfriend!' Merle countered proudly, not paying attention to Van's reaction to the title she'd given herself.

'You mean that you are a girl that is his friend!' Paris corrected. 'Besides I will be the one that he will marry!' she claimed just as proudly as Merle had claimed her own position. Neither girl noticed Van's strategic silence, as he slowly backed away from the coming outburst of emotion.

'Don't make me laugh! I'm not dumb! I know all about how your father blew all of your country's money on a bunch of stupid castles that have halfway fallen down! And how he's trying to sell off his daughter so that he can pay off the crappy construction! Not to mention the forced labor that your peasants have endured to create the monstrosities! But no one will take you, will they? You're not much of incentive for those problems!' Merle cruelly pointed out.

Merle felt good, she was sure that she'd affectively shown her dominant role in Van's life, no matter what was decided. Even in marriage, Merle would make sure that Van would never be anyone's but hers. And as she stood triumphantly before the crying girl, Merle never expected to be physically attacked.

♦♦♦♦♦

After the horrible experience with the surprisingly violent Paris, all potential talks of marriage were halted. The princess's caravan stayed only long enough to buy supplies, and then left the country as quickly as they could.

There were some that were ready to reprimand their prince for his behavior, but they too were afraid of his already riled temper. Van had expected the princess to lash out at Merle, for the words that she'd said, but not by punching her in the nose. Poor Merle had been more shocked than hurt, and didn't think to protect herself from more attacks. Luckily for Merle though, Van's protective instincts kicked in. Putting himself between the two girls, he caught Paris' fist as she haplessly threw it in the general direction of Merle for a second time. He then growled his displeasure at the princess's behavior, holding back from doing anything that could start any real conflict between his country and hers. He then pulled her back to the hall where the adults were still discussing their future, and announced that they would not be getting married.

When Van returned to the garden to find Merle, he found that she was waiting for him while rubbing her sore nose. There wasn't any blood, but a bruise forming on her face. But even as she was nursing his wounds, she looked a bit disappointed at her own behavior.

'I'm sorry Lord Van,' she apologized as he came close.

'It's not your fault Merle; I should've known you were out here,' Van corrected.

'But I know I shouldn't be so mean, but I can't help it. I know that you're going to marry a princess,' she referred to the politics. 'But I don't want to be replaced as "your girl",' Merle cried.

It broke Van's heart to see his friend so broken up over the future, though they'd had this conversation many times before. And every time he'd assured her that she'd never loose her place in his heart, though it never seemed to sink in for her. But he couldn't really blame her; he too worried that she'd be replaced in his heart. He could promise both her and himself that they would always stay the same all that he wanted, but that didn't make it true. He knew that time could change everything; he just prayed that it didn't.

To Be Continued.

Finally continuing this! So what did you think? By the way, the chapter title is "Together Alone".

Ryoko Porter


	3. Sollicitus Adveho Verus

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Pallium Fatum

By Ryoko Porter

Chapter Three Sollicitus Adveho Verus

'_By the accident of fortune a man may rule the world for a time, but by virtue of love he may rule the world forever.'_

_ Lao-Tse_

Van had never been so horrified in his life. He was fifteen, and finally old enough to slay his own dragon in the coming months. But it had just been suggested that he should marry Merle and create an heir before he left. There so many things that bothered him about the idea, though none of them derogative towards his friend who was not present to hear the idea about her near future. Of any woman his age he'd yet met, Merle was the only one he could ever imagine marrying. And he had few to choose from, considering most girls' distaste of his growing warrior nature. There wasn't a romantic bone in his body; and though they would be marrying him for politics, the princesses still wanted to be romanced at least a little.

The first problem with the idea of marrying Merle now was their ages, they were simply too young. Aside from the fact that even Van could tell that Merle was not yet physically ready to carry a child, how would they care for one anyway? Assuming that he would come back to find her ripe with child, how could he even comprehend having such a precious life in his care? They would of course have help from the staff, but a child needed love and attention that Van knew that he was not yet ready to give, though he would want to. Though it was of some comfort to remember that Merle did have a natural nurturing nature, he didn't think that she was ready to nurture a child for all the hours of everyday.

Another more personal problem with the plan was the apparent doubt about his return that his advisers had. Did they have no faith in him and his abilities? Perhaps it was his pride, but he was sure that he would slaughter whatever dragon he came upon. He had to do it; he was the last of the family, and of his kind. If he didn't do it, what good would it be for there to be another to be born? What good would it be for a fatherless hybrid creature to be forced into such an ordeal? It was bad enough that he was being forced to do it, a role that by birthright he was never meant to take. But then at the same time, that is what made him fight harder. There was no one else left. The damn dragons had taken most of his family, and he was the only one able to claim revenge and honor for his name.

The last major problem with the idea of marrying Merle for Van was that he wasn't sure that he was ready to do it. Sure he could say the words, and probably even keep his promise to love her forever. However he didn't think that he could take her innocence right now. They'd slept in the same bed before, cuddled close together, even recently. But that wasn't the same as taking her into his bed lustfully. Though it wasn't a problem of physicality, he was old enough to perform. He knew that he could act it out just fine, with all of the practice that he had. The problem was that she was just too sweet a thirteen year old. There were times that she'd be the focus of one of his fantasies, but usually his mind made her older looking and acting. And the few times that he'd dreamed of her as she was, he awoken feeling disgusted with himself. He felt dirty at the idea of still child-like body being in anyway erotic. It was just a return to the age problem, he supposed.

But though Van thought the idea was ridiculous, he let his advisors point out the benefits that they could think of. And mostly the profit of the union circled around the idea of creating an heir, an understandable but quite unattainable motivation. So finally decided to put a stop to the talk, though he was beaten to it.

'A noble idea Marcus,' Balgus said with his attention gaining voice. 'However you must plainly have not noticed that the girl is not yet able to carry any child.'

'Then we must find another girl!' Marcus begged.

'I won't be doing that,' Van said firmly. He couldn't do that to Merle, who'd hate to be replaced by a girl that could offer even less than she. Though it was rarely ever talked about, Merle did have a title and land to her name, given by his mother when she was young for political reasons. And eventually she would be able to give him a child, whether he needed her to or not. 'Tell me Marcus, why are you so eager for me to have an heir? What is your great gain out of it?' Van challenged though knowing full well why the man was so desperate. 'I'll make you a deal Marcus, I will talk with Merle and make my decision tonight.'

Everyone was surprised by Van's offer, most of all Balgus. Van usually never gave them so much; instead he would end the conversation without any reassurances or much consideration. But there was no reason why they should not consent to the prince's idea. There was no harm in it, and they had enough time.

♦♦♦♦♦

Van had found Merle in his room when he left the meeting, as if she knew that they had something of such a nature to discuss. For a while neither of them said anything, letting the air stay peaceful and calm for the time. Van sat next to her on his bed, letting a bit of space stay in between them. For now, touch would suggest too much.

'They want me to marry you so that I can create an heir,' Van said finally as he watched her reaction from the corner of his eye.

'Well that's not very romantic, is it?' Merle laughed ruefully. 'I had been expecting this though. They don't give us very long do they? What do you want to do?' she asked with a wise voice.

'Well it's not like you can…' Van started but was stopped by Merle shaking her head.

'I can.' There was nothing more that needed to be said on that subject. 'So it's up to you,' she supported.

Van was lost; this made it a bit more complicated. Could his conscience contend him using her like that? But then, how would it deal with not giving his people an heir when he had little excuse to not? She was ripe and willing, which was both a blessing and a curse. And it nearly broke his heart that she was so ready to sacrifice her childhood for both him and his country.

Sensing Van's hesitation in any direction, Merle decided to gently show him what she could offer. Leaning over so that she barely touched him, she kissed his temple and cheek very lovingly. She didn't want to scare him with too much forced contact, so she kept it simple with her little kisses.

'It's okay Van,' she said leaving out his title for a more personal affair. 'I love you. It's just like an added bonus that I get to help too. Why don't we just see how far we can go, and decide from there.'

Van couldn't argue with that logic, and her continued kisses felt very nice. So he turned so that he could take her soft face into his hands, and properly kiss her for the very first time. It was a bit awkward, though it wasn't like kissing a sister like he feared it would be. Her lips were soft and yielding, though there was a subtle playfulness about them also. So much like her nature, there was no way to mistake that it was Merle that he was kissing.

'See that wasn't so bad!' Merle smiled as she pulled away slightly, giving him a bit of comforting that she knew that he needed.

'I never said that it would be!' Van played along, letting her keep the mood playful and comforting.

'Well that's good to hear,' Merle blushed a bit. She had always worried that he would never be so willing with her, considering that she wasn't human.

'You are very pretty Merle,' Van assured her. He knew and understood her misgivings, having lived with her for so long and sharing the same experience with his Draconian blood. He then kissed her again, adding a bit more passion into it. By any other's standards, the kisses they shared would be seen as nothing but friendly, as they were so tame. But Van had to fight his own protective nature over her, there being a loud voice in his head that told him not to ruin her.

It was a shock to Van when he finally felt his hormones take over; he had been starting to think that they never would. But as he felt her arms go around his neck, a little switch was turned on. His hazing mind forgot about his anxieties, and focused at the feel of her soft body as his arms wrapped around her. He opened his mouth in the kiss, and she followed suit. It was like all of his feelings for her had suddenly been magnified ten-fold, and new emotions such as lust were starting to join them. He was loosing himself in the wave of new feelings, and was barely aware that he'd laid her down on the bed.

But just as suddenly as his lust had started, it ended with a horrible crash. His hand had been petting her silky hair and long ear, but grew bolder with his losing control. Traveling down her neck, it moved to cup her breast over her dress. But as he felt the flatness of her, his senses came rushing back to him. He suddenly remembered her youth, and was horrified at seeing where his hand lay on her.

Merle watched as Van fell off the bed with the ferocity of the power he'd used to tear himself out of her embrace. She might've laughed, if the situation wasn't so serious. The girl didn't need to look at her friend's expression to know what he was feeling, as his actions were enough. Though Merle couldn't blame Van for it, she too was feeling a wave of confusing feelings. Part of her had felt a bit of trepidation when she'd felt him loose control and lay her down. And yet another had enjoyed it immensely, and was sad that he'd stopped.

Despite whatever feelings that she felt, Merle couldn't let this hurt Van and her relationship. So she quietly followed him to the floor where he sat in a daze, and wrapped her arms around him from the side and she laid her cheek on his shoulder. It was a very platonic and comforting gesture, one that she could feel Van still stiffen in until she spoke. 'It's okay Lord Van, you didn't hurt me.'

♦♦♦♦♦

Instead of tarnishing their relationship as would be expected, the incident of their first kiss only strengthened it. At first it seemed that it had done some damage, with the two avoiding each other for nearly a week out of embarrassment. But on the sixth day, Van sought Merle out with a flower as his peace offering.

They never spoke of it, but there was an even greater ease between them since the encounter. Van was happy because she'd completely forgiven his behavior, and that he had never felt so certain that he could one day love her romantically. And Merle was happy because she was able to be there for her love, and now he knew beyond no bounds. So their combined feelings for it, made their lives much simpler. An easy feeling over their future had settled over them, and both were glad for it. For once, what was to come was something that they could stand to see.

But there was still a great mountain to climb before they got to that nice future, a mountain that could very easily take it away. To comfort the politicians; Van announced that if he didn't return within a month, that they could crown another as king. Everyone was shocked by the announcement, Van was giving himself half of the time that Folkin had. And there were some that hated the idea, saying that they would never accept anyone but him as king. But it was to Merle, that Van expressed his reasoning. If he succeeded, he would make a good king. If he lived but didn't return soon enough, then he would be free to guide his own unimportant life. So secretly Merle's patch of land was being readied for his late return, there she and him could live comfortably. That place that both of them longed to go to, secretly deep in their hearts.

As the weeks went by though, Merle got more and more agitated. The overwhelming stress of her worry clearly showing in her behavior. Van knew that she didn't doubt his power, but more simply couldn't help her fear. They spent every waking moment together, and the resting ones also. No matter what important matter Van was tending to, Merle was present sitting silently beside him. So close they'd become that there was rumor of an affair, and some even wondered if he would leave an illegitimate child behind.

The day that Van left to become a man worthy of kingship was the saddest he and Merle could remember. Even the painful loss of Van's mother couldn't compare to the ache that they both felt as he readied his mount. They were each other's last chance at a family, and now they had to say goodbye, possibly forever.

There was a planned precession to take Van out of the city's walls, but he had no intention to let it. Instead he and Merle secretly got ready in the early morning, and went snuck out of the city before the sun had risen. Merle couldn't go with him, but he took her out far enough from the city so that they could have a private goodbye. She rode ahead of him in the saddle, leaning back into his chest. Both of them ached wonderfully in the feeling of their half-embrace.

No words were said as Van pulled the horse into a stop, and turned his attention fully on the girl in his arms. They didn't need to say anything as Merle turned to put her arms around his chest and rest her head under his chin. The quiet continued as Van returned her hug and kissed her soft hair. He then pulled her out of his arms enough so that he could kiss her tears away, an intimate act that only brought on more tears. Merle then kissed Van's lips gently, a sweet act that promised her faithfulness. Neither of them said anything as Merle then slipped off the horse, and moved safely away. Neither of them said "goodbye", because they couldn't bear to. Instead their eyes made silent promises to each other.

To Be Continued.

Well onto the next chapter. The title for the chapter is "Worries Come True", though it doesn't really fit considering I decided to wait for until the next chapter to have Hitomi appear…. Oh well!

Ryoko Porter


	4. Hospes

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Pallium Fatum

By Ryoko Porter

Chapter Four Hospes

_'All through man's history, there has been a competition between the safe and the adventurous; the fully informed and the to-be-informed; between the "pattern set for all men" and the glimmer of a gleam for men to follow.'_

_Harry A. Overstreet_

Merle was so caught up in her worry and grief as she watched the spot where Van had disappeared, that she did not hear the three horses approach from behind. Nor did she hear the one of the riders demanding to know where Van had gone. She only became aware that she was not alone when one of the men picked her up and put her into the saddle in front of them.

'C'mon dear,' Balgus' gruff but gentle voice assured. 'Let's get you home, where you can wait.' The knight then ordered the other men to go home ahead of them, taking his own journey much slower so that Merle could have some peace. Balgus could feel the girl's body shake, as she seemed to be holding back tears, though he could not understand why. 'Why are you holding back Merle?'

'Because if I cry, it means that I've lost my faith in him. So I won't cry,' Merle answered very simply and with determination in her voice.

Balgus knew better than to argue with her, even if he had an argument.

♦♦♦♦♦

As the days turned into weeks with Van still gone, Merle seemed to be the only one to keep complete faith that he would return home in time. Or at least that was the impression she gave to the public. If servants asked her in the castle, or commoners in the city, she would always respond with a positive remark. She would tell of how he was probably on the trail of a mighty dragon at that very moment, and how she had complete faith that he would be home soon and claim his kingship over the land.

In private she was a mess of worry and anxiety. She barely slept or ate, spending most of her time in his lonely room. It wasn't that she didn't think he would come home that caused her such trepidation, more the feeling that something terrible would happen when he did finally return. Merle wasn't sure what kind of dreadful thing would come with him, but she knew that it would change everything in her life. But though she feared this coming change more than anything she'd feared ever before, she still was desperate for Van to come home.

It was already into the fourth week of Van's quest when Merle finally stepped up the order for her own small palace to be ready for his return. It was done quietly so that it would not create even more worry amongst the people of Fanalia. But there was no reason for her not to have a place for him to return to if he did indeed come home after the week was through. There were only five more days that he had before he'd willingly gave up his place in line for the crown.

♦♦♦♦♦

'You would've made a wonderful queen, Merle,' Balgus said gently to the girl as she sat quietly in the palace gardens. It was already noon on the last day that Van had to return, and there was no sign of him.

'But I didn't want to be queen,' Merle said.

'And that is what would've made you great! A good queen does what you've already spent your life doing; supporting their king politically, and more importantly emotionally. And these talents you mastered when you were only eight,' the old warrior supported.

Merle just smiled appreciatively with the slightest hint of blush on her cheeks. For a moment she thought about what Balgus had said, considering an answer that would tease him with a bit of her talent. 'I will make a good queen, won't I?'

Balgus couldn't help but laugh at the girl's coyness. And it was a pleasant realization that she still had so much faith in the boy that would be king; the boy that she loved. It was like she'd fed him a wonderful breath of fresh air, with her show of complete faith. For all of the last month he'd never felt so positive that Van would return in time. Even with only twelve hours left, it felt to Balgus that Van had an eternity before he needed to be home. And the old warrior couldn't help but wonder if this feeling was what Merle had been feeling the entire time Van had been gone?

But Merle's sudden movements interrupted the man's thoughts, as she suddenly shot up from her seat. There wasn't enough time for Balgus to catch the girl as she ran as quickly she could toward the gate.

'Where are you going?' Balgus called.

'He's home! VAN'S HOME!' Merle called back as she twisted mid-run to show Balgus her excitement.

'How could she possibly know that?' Balgus asked himself as he watched the girl disappear through the gateway to the city. But he had to admit that if she was so positive that Van was home, he should probably believe her.

♦♦♦♦♦

Merle ran as fast as she could through the busy city streets of Fanalia, dodging people and carts as she went. There were some that even called a greeting to her, but she did not answer them with anything more than an extremely brief cry of hello.

As she'd been sitting in the garden with Balgus by her side, she'd caught a smell on the west-coming wind that alerted her to Van's nearness. It was a mix of the summer wood and sweat scent that he always carried, with the hint of sulfur and blood that would come from fighting a dragon. And as she took in and followed the smell, she'd never been so grateful for her beast-like senses.

When Merle finally set eyes on Van, she couldn't help but cry out with her overwhelming relief. Running even faster than she had been, she was even more relieved when she saw him open his arms open to her. But nothing felt as it did when she was finally in his arms again after so long. And in her joy, Merle couldn't help her beast-nature and kiss his cheek with her tongue, despite knowing that he didn't like such a public display.

'Oh Lord Van, I'm so happy that you're home!' she cheered as tears of joy started to stain her cheek.

'No more crying,' Van whispered soothingly as he brushed away her tears with his thumb. And for a moment, Merle thought that he might kiss her as his arms closed even tighter around her torso.

Unfortunately Merle's wonderful moment was torn from her grasp, with a sudden pull of attention to a girl she'd never seen before.

'Um, hello?' the stranger interrupted.

'Lord Van, who is she?' Merle asked, once again worried.

♦♦♦♦♦

It wasn't too long after Van had returned home, that he exhaustedly turned in for a well-deserved rest. And when he climbed into bed, Merle's warm body pleasantly greeted him. Van didn't try to fight his need to have her close now, not with his inability to hold her for so long. He was finally truly at home when he pulled her into his arms, with the comforting feeling of devotion. He was finally with his family once again. And he could for a moment forget everything else but the safe feeling that he had. Forget everything but that strange girl sleeping somewhere in his castle.

To Be Continued.

Title means "stranger". And let's see… anything else I need to say? No I don't think so… other than please review.

Ryoko Porter


	5. Bellum Domi

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Pallium Fatum

By Ryoko Porter

Chapter Five Bellum Domi

_'No soldier starts a war— they only give their lives to it. Wars are started by you and me, by bankers and politicians, excitable women, newspaper editors, clergymen who are ex-pacifists, and Congressmen with vertebrae of putty. The youngsters yelling into the streets, poor kids, are the ones who pay the price.'_

_Francis P. Duffy_

Merle never really said anything about it to anyone, but the war very nearly destroyed her. With the combined stresses of trying to stay alive and losing the heart of the man she loved, she often wondered what she would lose first, life or sanity? There was many a time when she wished that death would come first, but she supposed that was just a sign that her wish had already proved false. But despite what was inside of her, Merle never let more than a hint of it outside. Destructively she hid her pain behind a mask that resembled an obnoxious and hyperactive child. A mask, which she only took off to let herself bask in the pain when she was alone. And only took it off so that she could trade it for another when alone with Van.

Her behavior with Van never did change truly, only shifted into greater extremes. Merle was still either the kid sister, or the doting mother figures that she had always assumed according to Van's mood. She was what he needed, a reminder of his home and childhood, and someone to take care of him. Unfortunately though, after only his first night home from dragon slaying, Merle had lost her newest growing role of potential lover and wife. Her new place was clear to Merle even before the attack that came in the morning.

That first attack by the Dragonslayers had been one of the worst experiences in Merle's life up to that point. Being already apart from Van she had little chance of getting to him amongst the commotion of panicking people, not that she didn't try. She'd struggled desperately to push her way through the crowds and people trying to hold her back, to fallow the scent of the boy she loved. But then with the sudden appearance of the huge robotic knight Escaflowne, Merle knew that she would be left behind. There was nothing that she could do as she watched Van make a strategic retreat. Merle understood of course why he had to leave, being so that he could live to fight when the odds would be more in his favor. However it broke her heart to be left behind, especially when she could smell that the strange Mystic Moon-girl was with him. It didn't make sense to her that Van should take Hitomi with him, but she couldn't dwell on that mystery until she was safely out of the crumbling city. And Merle very nearly didn't get out of it alive, it was only by the kindness of a commoner woman that she didn't burn alive. After being mostly dragged and carried out of the city, she watched with a group of survivors as the city fell into a ruin of embers and ash. Then after the adrenalin of the day's horrifying adventure wore off, Merle collapsed into a state of unconsciousness. A state in which she didn't wake from until the sun was rising at the start of the next day. Right away Merle left to follow the scent that Van left in the wind while it was still fresh, ignoring her body's ache for food and more rest. As she traveled, her mind slipped in and out of conscious thought. There were times when Van consumed all of her thoughts, and then others when she couldn't say what she was thinking, but were a constant buzz in the back of her mind. But Merle had little doubt that those subconscious thoughts were about Van also. And it was when she was in one of the strangely more distracting subconscious revelries that the strange men that turned out to be Allen Schzar's soldiers captured her. And thankfully she was allowed to be with Van once again.

Once she was with Van, there was no way that Merle would let herself be separated from him again. And she was content to mostly ignore and be ignored by the others that she, Van, and Hitomi were traveling with. She wasn't socially equipped to deal with others to a large extent on a friendly level, a trait that she shared with Van due to their lack of regular interaction with others as they grew up. But since she was thrust into the situation, Merle tried her best to be kind to the other travelers. And over time, Merle found that she was starting to care for them. Allen and his men she could relate to in the way of her ease around seasoned warriors, and she found herself regarding a few as cousin-like figures. Millerna and Dryden she played a purely political role to, feeling no closeness to either of them. And towards Hitomi despite the mostly one-sided competition, Merle felt a sort of pity that grew into caring. Had it not been for Van's obvious obsession with the clairvoyant girl, Merle thought many a time that they might have made good friends.

Merle always knew that there was little that she could do to help Van's cause in war by way of fighting, so she stayed out of the way when a battle was being fought. She knew that Van would be angry with her for putting herself at unnecessary risk, so she simply didn't do it unless there was great need. But honestly there was little joy like the one that she felt when she was able to help him and his cause, even if it meant saving Hitomi. The time that he needed her to guide him towards the girl's scent, she'd never felt such pride as when she succeeded in her task. It was good for her to know that she could be useful to him in that way also, though admittedly not as much as some.

Then came the night when Van sprouted his wings so that he could save Hitomi from falling to her death. It would turn out to be a night that would haunt Merle for the rest of her life, leaving a sharp ache in her chest whenever she thought of it. The reason that it hurt so much had simply to do with Hitomi's reaction to it. In their world, Draconians were regarded with mistrust and hatred by most, and she'd expected for Hitomi to react in like. But when the girl regarded Van's wings with wonder and referred to him as an "angel", Merle knew for curtain then that she'd lose Van's heart. Her love despite and because of what he was had been one of the rare things that only she could offer to Van, and now another could offer it also. Merle no longer had anything that could make her special in Van's eyes; it would just take time until she was forgotten.

Another point during the war that would always haunt Merle was when Hitomi had nearly died when they were in the country of Freid. She didn't fully understand it, but Merle knew that Hitomi's own psychic had been the cause; so she felt no guilt in somehow causing it. What bothered her was the relief she'd felt when she thought for a moment that the girl might die. It had been fleeting, but she'd felt an amazing sense of freedom from worry when she thought that she would no longer have to fight for her place in Van's heart. But the feeling passed quickly, leaving Merle heavy with guilt for feeling such as she did. Hitomi made Van a better man, making it wrong for Merle to have such cruel thoughts. When Hitomi did recover there so much attention was on her that there was no one to notice Merle's shame.

Yet despite whatever horrors Merle had already experienced, nothing compared to the ghastly experience of when Van nearly died because of his bond with the Escaflowne. When he'd stumbled out of the giant robot covered in his own blood, she thought that she might die right along with him. And she wasn't aware that she was screaming, until she heard the sound echoing back to her. Her desperation grew when she watched the violent act of his wings tearing in through his back, and heard his terrible cry of pain. Merle had never felt so helpless in her life before and since that day. She'd tried begging the medically educated Millerna to save him, seeing it as her only hope. Unfortunately the princess said that she could do nothing to save him, leaving Merle to accept the very real possibility that Van could die. For an agonizing eternity of a few minutes she contemplated his death, and her own as she would surely follow him. It hurt and scared her, and for those few moments before Hitomi figured out how to save Van, Merle fell into a panic. Yet as relieved as she was at hearing the solution of saving his life, it turned out to be a horrible experience also. Having to watch, as he became a sort of wild beast in his pain, screaming and thrashing so madly that they had to tie him down, Merle felt as if her heart was feeling the equivalent of his physical pain. Relief wasn't a strong enough word, nor was there any other to describe how she felt when it was all over. He was safe and well, and that was all that mattered. Even when he so quickly went back out into battle, Merle could feel no great bad feeling.

There were only two other times that Merle was able to be much of any use during the war, both times saving the life of the man that she loved. The first chance was a bit more shameful, beating Hitomi into saving Van from the world of death for her. The second opportunity had with it a great more bit of honor to give to her name. When the twins Naria and Eriya used their Guymelefs to beat at the Escaflowne, Merle somehow knew that her shared heritance with the women help to save Van. But even she hadn't be so sure, it would've been just as easy to throw herself into harms way to save him. Had she been wrong about the sisters' level of savagery, Merle would have been grateful to be killed with him. Or even to die without him would've made her happy at that instant, so that she could be free from the hurt of losing him anymore than she already had. Almost amazingly Van had been thoughtful enough after her show of bravery to thank her; it was the first time since the beginning of the war that she had been in his arms.

It was during the short peace through Dryden and Millerna's wedding that Merle was given some alone time with Van. As they watched the wedding from far atop the buildings of the city, she was able to forget the war and pretend that it was just she and him once more. And apparently he was able to do so also. 'It almost feels like the old days,' Van observed quietly. Merle only nodded her agreement slightly, so as to not take her head off of his shoulder. 'I am sorry for ignoring you Merle,' Van said, surprising Merle. She didn't say anything to answer his apology though, through fear of turning it into something cheap. Instead Merle simply pushed herself closer into Van's side, and accepted his arm that wrapped around her.

Merle's biggest surprise during the war though was when Folkin joined in the fight against Dornkirk. She of course had no say in whether Van should trust him, but she herself did not. So it was another great surprise to her when he sought her out for conversation.

'Hello Merle,' Folkin greeted when he found her alone in a garden.

'Lord Folkin,' she returned respectfully and curtsied. No matter how much she didn't trust him, he still deserved her respect and good manners.

'I wanted to thank you for being so loyal to Van, Merle. I can see that you made him into a good man,' Folkin praised.

'Thank you, but you've got the wrong girl. I didn't make Van a man, Hitomi did. I tried to give him back his stolen childhood,' Merle corrected.

'But you give him love!' Folkin reminded her, ignoring the blame she'd just put on him for the moment.

'And so does she, even if neither of them yet realize it,' Merle referred to the obvious but not admitted affection that Hitomi had for Van. For a long while after that, nothing else was said and Merle was beginning to suspect that Folkin had left when she wasn't looking. So in her assumed privacy, Merle let herself give into her grief, and cried. But she found that she'd been wrong about being alone as she felt Folkin embrace her in a comforting, brotherly sort of way. And there in his arms, she grieved the entire war and the outcome that seemed sure for her future place in Van's heart.

To Be Continued.

Well sorry if most of you were bored with this chapter. But when I wrote it, I was mostly keeping in mind my friend who likes the story, but hasn't seen much of any of the series or movie. I just thought it would be a good idea to go over the war from Merle's point of view, giving her more depth than she had in the show. And to those who don't know or whatever, I added that last part because I'd always envisioned it happening. It just seemed natural to me that Folkin would want to check up on the girl who he knew to have spent the time that he was gone with Van. Who else would be better for him to learn about his life from? But I also always thought that Merle would be hesitant around him, and probably wouldn't say much about it. Anyway, the chapter title is "War at Home". And to anyone who understands Latin, I'm sorry. The translations are probably very literal, having been found online.

Ryoko Porter


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